How to Talk to Your Child About Welcoming a New Sibling

Congratulations! You’re pregnant……again! It’s never too early to begin talking with your firstborn child about welcoming a new sibling (just like it’s never too early to invest in an RESP for your newborn).

So how do you talk to your child about welcoming a new sibling? Here are some things to think about.

Preparation is key – start early!

As a mom of two, I’ve found that children don’t like to be caught off guard and it takes time and preparation for them to get used to the idea of something new, especially something as life changing as a new baby in the family.

Even among young children, mom’s growing belly won’t go unnoticed, as well as other common symptoms of pregnancy like nausea and tiredness. That’s why it’s better to address this topic sooner rather than later, long before the new baby arrives.

For a straightforward “script” to follow, you can say: “Our family is growing. There’s going to be a new baby, and they will be your little brother or sister. How are you feeling about this?”

Depending on how they react to this news (Excited? Nervous? Worried? Confused?) use their reaction to gauge your child’s readiness and temperament to pivot your preparation accordingly.

Addressing Concerns and Emotions

Your older child’s adjustment to life as an older sibling is always going to be partly dependent on their readiness, personality and general temperament. Some kids are very excited to have a younger sibling and playmate, some shrug it off, while others might regress in behaviour. All kids will likely show some combination of different reactions – a rollercoaster of emotions and big feelings!

As parents, it’s our role to ensure our older child feels safe and comfortable with the idea of becoming an older sibling, and to validate, support and address their feelings.

In our family, we used a lot of books to educate on the concept of becoming an older sibling. I personally loved Baby Belly (a wordless picture book that allows you to tell a different story every time), and You Were The First (which is a tribute to the milestones of a parent’s first child).

Involving Your Child in Preparation

When your firstborn has been an only child his entire life, it’s an unfathomable concept that they won’t be their parents’ ‘one and only’ anymore. There may be feelings of exclusion or jealousy. To address these concerns, involve your older child in helping you prepare for the new sibling’s arrival. You can ask them to help decorate the new baby’s nursery, pick toys, draw a card, pick out a toy, or even help with choosing a name!

After the baby arrives, depending on the age of your older child, you can get them to help with simple tasks. Children have a natural willingness to feel helpful and included. Things we asked our 3 year old to “help” us with included bringing us a diaper during change time or choosing a toy for the baby to put in his crib. Older kids can help with tasks like story time, or bottle preparation.

Supporting Sibling Bonding

Sibling bonding can begin before birth! To help your older child bond with your baby bump, let them feel their baby brother or sister moving in your belly, and encourage them to talk, read or sing to the baby inside. These moments are also a great opportunity to remind them that your family is growing, while addressing concerns and emotions.

When our second child was born, we also gave a gift “from” the baby to our older child, to help foster good feelings towards his new sibling. In the world of toddler logic, it was entirely possible that his newborn baby brother gave him a gift of construction trucks. To this day, if we ask our toddler who the toy trucks came from, he’ll still say they are from his baby brother.

Setting Realistic Expectations

From your child’s perspective, it can be jarring to go from being an only child, to sharing your parents’ time and attention, with a new younger sibling. Even more so, if that new sibling, inevitably, poops, pees, cries, knocks down your toys, and is constantly getting into your stuff.

There’s been times where my older child has seen the baby spit up on me. Instead of having a big reaction about it, I try to normalize the experience by stating what just happened: “The baby barfed on mom – it’s messy, but totally normal for babies to do this..” Our children are constantly looking to us to see how we react. By keeping our cool during tough situations, we inspire our children to mimic our calmness.

Welcoming a new sibling into the family is a time of transition for everyone. With preparation and planning, we hope growing your family will go as smoothly as possible!